Thursday, March 31, 2011
As I have come to slowly realize, that once I have lost what I hold dear, literally everything, I have gained eternity. A sort of infinity so to speak. With that in mind, I started my Night, and as Night persists, while life carries on I shall forever delve into insanity a little bit more. From what I have experienced this eve and now dawn is upon my unrested body. I think of a joke first thing, if there is no rest for the wicked, then I am Voldemort. I giggle to myself. Straight away my mind turns to a serious note, I feel neither life nor death shall bring me closer to truth. So do not disturb these bones, please. Perhaps that's what should be on my tombstone.
Maybe death and life are nothing more then perceptions amongst a world powered by nature and nature is quite far from our human logic. Don't get me wrong, I am not against it nor chaos, these Nights are made for chaos and insanity. In a way the only branch I have left to feeling, for pleasure, to any spiritual existence I once held dear. I grow tired of the Saviour, I don't want to be saved, no, I just wanna be free. The two are separable and if it is all perception, what am I being saved from? my own self? I dig me.
Now my morning begins, warm cup of joe and a fag in my mouth. Stepping outside in my pea-coat, I allow the dew to settle on me before I begin any hasty movements. Taking a seat as if I am forming a piece of the stone that rests under my ass, my body never truly settles. I decide it is time to light up, each movement feels quite cool and crisp. I can't feel the strains I endured from the Night before. As I stare at the dew I think of all the girls I once loved, Green comes to mind, if people are like rain, I would be drizzle and they would be hurricanes. I mean, that's what seems so exotic about it. The flare, mystery, an unknown element that grasps the attention of any onlooker or passerby. The sought adventure, what's more interesting then something beyond understanding? All this whilst the blinders slowly crack open, freeing the once sheltered eyes. Seeing a sun anew, as if stars never existed. All additives to the Night, an extension of the existentialists existence.
My coffee's bloody cold... my square isn't quite finished. I wonder if anyone is up quite yet. I shan't wake them. Can't believe it's 7 in the morn, my obscenely tired body hit the mattress only 2 hours ago. And already my blood is pumping, heart is racing, my leg is hopping at a considerable rate. That's good I suppose, means this body hasn't objected to the Night I have grown into.
Lost in thought as always, I was startled by a loud bang behind me. To my surprise it was May, I quite fancied her. She was a great girl, but a hurricane. She sat right next to me, without question took a smoke and a sip of cold brewed coffee I had. Standing May briskly went inside and freshened it up handing it to me, "Here man, no use having a chilled cup of coffee on such a chilly morning."
"Thanks, amiga. Everyone still sleepn'?"
"umm..." she says while looking back at the door, "not sure, I was hoping the bang of that door would wake their asses up." she started to light her cigarette. I don't know what it is but, watching her smoke makes me want to smoke. It looks like it's her first one every time. Also, watching her smoke is of interest to me, no idea why, just is. I looked over at her smirking, "It's about damn time," I respond as I pull out another stick from the pack, "I'm hungry, May." I liked to say her name, there was something eloquent about it, a name with class.
"Ya man, how did you sleep last night?" I had been awaiting that question, so I can make room for my joke. So I got ready to re-quip, "Well if rest is truly for the wicked, then I my friend, am Voldemort." from behind us a gasp came, we both had turned, Mika was in the doorway, "He-who-should-not-be-named! my gawd..." as she laughed. We all began to chuckle. "Let me grab my jacket." she continued.
"Did you sleep well, man?" she moved her neck around, "Not quite well as I had hoped, just a bit stiff." she took a drag, "Getting better with every puff though." Which made me smirk. Mika had made her way outside, "mind if I have one of those?"
"Not at all." may and I stated in unison. Quickly and hastily I follwed it up with, "Jinx! You owe me a coke."
"DAMMIT!" she exclaimed. Mika was laughing as she tried to light up, having a deal of trouble as it was jumping around due her laughter. "Dude, I didn't even notice you open the door." I mentioned. She finally got her cig lit, "that's right bitches, ninja skills."
May snickered and slyly rebuked, "Ya, something like that, ya creeper." Mika frowned, trying to keep her reaction serious, "You don't mean that."
"aww... let me hugs you!" may flung her arms open, "No way, fuck you man!" exasperated Mika. Pushing the embrace away with one arm until finally a loving bear hug occurred. Events like this happened frequently between them, but always for a good laugh. They were adorable.
As only an onlooker, I commentated, "isn't that just the cutest damned thing I ever did see." Taking a sip of my coffee, adding a southern twang, "Good Golly Gee Wilikers."
"Shut up, you know you love it." Mika exclaimed as they both swung down to share the love my way. Making sure I don't spill my coffee or burn anyone with my smoke, entrapped on both sides, "Oh yes, how would I survive without this affection? I'd die I say, I'd die."
May started to stand, "I'm gonna go get ready. Then wake up Diana." I finish puffing on my fag, "Go for it, ma'am."
Mika hands her cigarette over, "Could you hold this, I need to use the restroom." I grab it, "Thanks, man." They both head inside, I make note that her smoke is in my right hand, while my smoke is in the left. Not that it really matters anyhow. Share and share alike I say. My mind wanders back to the dew upon the grass, thinking about how I am the only male here. I don't mind it in the least, most the time I appreciate it. Though they're hurricanes, the exception is Mika, who is more like myself. In the areas of love, her and I have a certain connection of understanding. I mean, still have similarity to May and Diana, just in different areas...
Damn, my butt is freezing cold. So I stood up and leaned my back against the house. It's also getting quite bright outside, I exchange my thick rimmed glasses with similar sunglasses. I feel like Dylan. On that note, I take a long methodical drag staring into the sunlight. Today is not where I saw myself a year ago, but I don't know where else I wish to be. Anyhow as Douglas said, "I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be."
Mika sauntered back out leaning across from me, I relight her square, it had gone out. "Thanks darlin'.", she was putting her sunglasses on. She was a ravishing gal, so caring and loving. I just absolutely love her mussed up hair, it's amazing. I wish I had it, but couldn't pull it off nearly as well."No worries, ma'am. Now, how did you sleep?"
In the sunlight, the peace before she answered, I wonder, how did I get so luck? Surrounded by beautiful people both inside and out. I question this oft. Moving her back about, "Hmm, I had a good night. I never really sleep."
"So, you feeln' alright?", bending over, putting out my fag in the dirt.
Laughingly responds, "Tired.", blowing out smoke over her shoulder. She looked at the bright red glow ashing the cig. She seemed a tad distracted. Out of curiosity I ask, "What happens to be passing through those thoughts of yours?"
Pulling her gaze up towards me, crushing the glowing ember, "Huh? oh, nothin'. Let's get to the coffee shoppe." Pondering if that's the truth or not, I look down at my cold mug, "Ya, lez go.", meandering back inside. Starting to yell on entering, "Diana! Diana! Diana! Wake up!" Her small voice echos back, "I'm up already." So I take a seat on the couch and switch glasses again.
Mika heads back to the other end of the house, assuming to pack up.
May is sitting on the kitchen counter, I can see half of her from the door way. Most likely on her phone catching up on conversations.
Diana was getting ready to leave.
Which reminds me, I haven't checked my phone since I went outside. I don't expect to have anything new. The main posse is here already, oh, it was in between the couch cushions. Surprisingly I have new messages, both from the same person. Forgetting the fact I have been documenting my Night by sending pictures with commentary to a friend far away. Just so they feel more in touch with life here. To him, at times, this is a whole new reality. It could be, considering my brighter times prior in life. His messages read, "OH! New people I don't know and a dog, can we turn that dog a battle puppy?" and "Her face is very blurry, you should work on your photo skills... or is is she a suspect in a crime and her identity is secret? I hope for number 2." Chuckling at such responses. I write back, "Yes, we shall make him a battle puppy. Send me some drawings with the supplies needed. Yes, she is a suspect. We keep her well hidden and with a generator blurring her face constantly.", clicking send.
Tossing my leash to society aside, I decide to close my eyes and rest for a moment. Leaning my head back, only hoping for a moment of shut eye. I fell asleep. Next thing I knew was Mays voice, "Hey man, wake up. Coffee time." Groggily rubbing my eyes under crooked glasses, enforcing my weight into a standing position. We head out.
You said, "Damn be this wind is still movin' on in to the bones and the bed of my soul."