Not quite sure...

Another sample:

Baths were far more of a commonality for me when I was younger, I feel that is the same for anyone. There is the opinion of if you can do it sitting, you might as well... showers just seem so much more grown up in my mind. In the past few years, they have started to become more frequent but only under situations of stress or when in need of relief. I believe this is a trait I picked up from my last ex-girlfriend who when ever noticing I was under a great deal of struggle or strife would bring up a bath for me. Leave in some music and a book, just let me be with some tea. One of the few things I gained of positive strength from then. Which is another story...

I digress, in my younger days I read a bit on alchemy and like most things. It became full circle, years later reading up on more alchemy. It was the start of chemistry, so why not. In the mean time though, I read much of religions around the world... theologies to a great extent. Which engulf almost all of my time. To understand religion one must know philosophy and history. The effects are great and useless to just know one or the other. They all balance one another to bring us closer to understanding. This was before I knew a deeper truth.

I find myself at a point, sitting in a tub where I grew up. Relaxing after working and reading for the day. Previously in the day I learned that not only did a psychologist Carl Jung study alchemy, he used it in comparing to psychology itself. Many things in history can be linked to alchemy. Even Christianity, Thomas Aquinas studied alchemy. Issac Newton spent more time on alchemical research than physics. Islam, Buddhist, Hinduism... all have past relations to the elixir of life, the philosophers stone, lapis... pursuits of eternal life and immortality. Searching for deconstructions of elements to bring them back together once again into another, better material. Through equal exchange or the ability to create through other nonequivalent means. Through perhaps some great work from within ourselves, humanity.

Reaching no true or realistic end point for thought. I put my head under the tub water, not hoping for anything but to clear my mind with a glazed vision through the tub water. As I feel the water settle, I hear everything around me... clearer. Music gently playing, cellphone buzzing, heater kicking on, the house moving and water rustling. I can slightly hear the train about half a mile from my home. Passing over the tracks going to who knows where... and I wonder, if anyone is on there... if they can sense me sitting still as my mind moves in awe and wonder of what the hell is going on.

In that strange moment, I have some hope and inclination that we are all connected and necessary. Needed, though built with the same compounding elements and spitting image of whatever God or gods created us. Unique, necessary, normal, ordinary and all together complexly tied and bound to something I'll never quite get.