through depths of twilight

the truth will shine brighter than anything we have ever known, it will be more beautiful than an aurora borealis, the terrifying and passionate emotions will be felt, stronger than any emotion any human has felt before. through one simple word and very complex word, with many emotions set behind this one thing, item, feeling, ideal, person: Truth.

"Art is a process of elimination. The sculptor produces the beautiful statue by chipping away such parts of marble block as are not needed.", Elbert Hubbard.

Now I ask this, 'what about the person that saw the marble as beautiful to begin with? just the slab or where it originally was in the earth?' There could be far less to this than we think... it's quite simple in all honesty. Just to love, the complexities come from our unwillingness to do so.

Jesus is not the norm

"The ends justifies the means." No matter how you slice it, this statement seems to have caused more pain and loss than anything else. Religious wars are being fought by using drug money, wars are being waged for the hopes of peace, to shut down Guantanamo there is so much red tape (also the fact that the country wishes to have it shut down, but the prisoners... we don't want em'), economic stimulus plans being passed, and I don't think a government jubilee is soon to come. I just kind of sit back and am so very very sad with what is going on around. As John Stewart said, "Politicians and people are like, the bell curve. We are all here in the middle section and everything is run by the small outer sects of the curve." We rely on the politics to bring change. In which the government can, don't get me wrong. The possibility is there. We forget what people can do, what people can do for change. In the larger majority, we kind of just... slump our shoulders when we here that Gitmo can't be closed until there is further planning... when our states are refusing to take in detainees. It's kind of like, if you're against abortion be open to adopt some kids.

So what I'm saying is, "In the seventeenth chapter of St. Luke, it is written that the kingdom of God is within man, not one man nor a group of men, but in all men! In you! You, the people, have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure.", Charles Chaplin in The Great Dictator. We aren't our political leaders, we don't have the red tape to go through... we have the people and actions that speak out. We could sway our political leaders or not. If there can't be a jubilee, let's enact one with ourselves. If they won't take in detainees, let's find some way to help them. Another quote to just simply state my point, "I don't preach a social gospel; I preach the gospel, period. The gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ is concerned for the whole person. When people were hungry, Jesus didn't say, "Now is that social or political?" He said, "I feed you." Because the good news to a hungry person is bread.", Tutu.

We acting for the kingdom of God, to bring it here to earth. Are representatives in a way. When we mess up that affects the perspectives of what the kingdom actually looks like. But that is a different discussion all together.

God is trying to enforce and build our imaginations, we can do great things... in such imaginative ways. Perhaps start a jubilee, by paying off our fellows debts (forgetting trickle up or trickle down economics, helping each other out). Finding ways to stop suffering, believe it or not... God didn't call us to be Americans first and lovers of all humanity second. We were called to love all of our brothers and sisters, even those in Gitmo. The kingdom I work for has no borders, I wish to love all, even if that is optimism I have hope for God's kingdom to come (and that's not I'm waiting for Jesus to return, I'm awaiting mankind to bring on the 'on earth as it is in heaven')

Wolf am I (and shadow)

"forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us"
"I am sending you out like sheep among wolves."
"Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven."
"Be on your guard against men; they will hand you over to the local councils and flog you in their synagogues. On my account you will be brought before governors and kings as witnesses to them and to the Gentiles. But when they arrest you do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At the time you will be given what to say, for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you."
"whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven.'
umm... Matthew: 10 and the sermon on the mount are all pertaining to.


My mind has been fixed upon the idea of suffering lately, what we go through picking up the cross... the yoke of our God. It's a scary thought to think the truth can have so much that comes with it, physical pain, emotional suffering. The best realization I got for this was when I was sitting in a tree the other day, just pondering life... the life I'm chosen and where I will be one day. I first went to the thought of, "To suffer for the truth is either the best idea I can have or a terrible idea that I didn't think through." I'm going to suffer, put through trials and have the complete unknown happen. I just should make sure I've prayed and fully grasped the decisions I'm making. That my decisions are just images of God in my actions, letting Him use me. If the suffering happens for those reasons, I'll gladly take it over and over again (hopefully it's not selfish reasoning and all for/about God). Suddenly, the tree branch I was perched upon broke... I take a nice fall to the ground and what do you know it, fall on my side (ow). I get up and just laugh, God if there wasn't any better way to teach me something. I've fallen out of trees before, but it's been years. What I realized was, like my faith... I'm still gonna climb that tree or any tree. I'm gonna check the branches I sit upon a little more the next time, but I should check those branches as much as I check the truth that I think I'm standing for. Also, check how I am standing for that truth. I mustn't turn into a wolf amongst wolves... I should forgive and pray for those who trespass against me. For we are all human and for that made of sand. I wish to bring Heaven to earth (walking on water wasn't built in a day), these things take time and there is gonna be some dark vs light times. Some cages are gonna be rattled, but God will fight our battles. Romans 8, "If God is for us who will be against us?" He said He'd give Mosses the words he needed when talking to Pharaoh (God came through on that one), He told the apostles just before they left with no money (they were lucky to have sandals) God will provide them with the words they need (also, the everything else they need to live) or for the words they don't need. I should check my branches, the truth will be revealed in time in all situations. God will show us when we have made bad decisions (we shouldn't count on making the bad decision first and asking for forgiveness later, we should start to learn to take the time and patience to talk with God in the silences. Seek after His heart in our lives). Acknowledge God in what we do, "scream on the rooftops what we are whispered. what I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight." (Matthew 10) I can't say how to handle the situations when they occur, it could be weird... like in Jesus for president he mentions "I don't know, to help that situation? I'd run around and cluck like a chicken, then fake eat food off the ground." ahaha (can't forget the weird imaginative ways to solve something.)

I don't know, just the random thoughts I've had... put together in one long paragraph. We are a people to be set a part. Sheep amongst the wolves. (speaking of sheep, "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." Romans 8 and Psalm 44.) It's so easy to become a wolf amongst wolves. I know I have done it, I hope I am forgiven for those times... those times seem to be good reminders that someone had to of forgiven me in my trespasses.

Grace, love, peace, redemption and Christ can sure cause shenanigans. Some holy shenanigans? ahaha lame joke, my apologies.

Now I'm out of words and thought patterns.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92o5X1IDHN8 :title came from a mewithoutYou song.

1 Corinthians 13:1
"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."
in hopes that I speak, act, and have faith with pure true love,
Kris

a conversation to remember? I don't know... it was too weird... I'm weird.

me, "I was just thinking... Cars are weird. We travel in like, blastic moving objects.. imagine waht like, the first person thought when they saw the automobile first driven around.'

Jorden, 'haha, they probably tried to bomb it. "It's a devil machine from teh future!!!!!"

me, "I sure hope so. It'd be weird if they were like, 'What's that new contraption? I must lick it...'"

Jorden, 'Not everyone thought like you i nteh early thirties. lol"

Me, "I'm glad you caught onto that. Cause I lick and put things in my mouth... mostly new technology. I liked a lamborgini once."

Jorden, "AHAHA! I would have a strange desire to do the same thing. I watned to lick a really nice drumset once."

me, "It's a weird feeling! But oddly satisfactory... it's like, so awesome (the object) you wish it was a girl to make out with. ahaha", we just laughed REALLY hard after that, to tears.

Jorden ended with, 'this conversation is so awesome, excuse me while I lick my phone."

me, like a ship at sea.

a lot of the stories, poetry, or scripts come to me in the shower or a few right before i go to bed. i decide they are good ideas once if they are still stuck in my head when i awake in the morning or i'm out of the shower. i give the stuff that comes out of my brain right before i sleep more time, because of exhaustion and it could be a terrible idea. now what i write isn't genius it's all from actual events most of the time, just overly dramatic, more comedy, adding to events or the occasion making up dialogue. situations are typically the same, i am not that good.

hmm... right.

my head hits the pillow and it's warm, that darn cat must of been sleeping on it again. so i take it to the flip side, the cool side of the pillow. that feels much better, faintly i hear some 'foxhole' in the background. as i lay there i can hear all the intricate workings of my body. the inhale and exhale of my lungs, the sudden gust of air coming in and out. (my airways sound clear this evening. smooth sailing in the breathing department) my heart bumps with each inhale and exhale, just carrying the oxygen through out my body. it beats with much fervor and strength now. this happens on occasion, where i'm in such idle peace and concentration of a moment. this moment, just laying in bed with my heart beating and pushing the blood through my veins. i can feel the blood rushing through my body, when i close my eyes i can concentrate even more and it's as if i can hear the blood pulse through out every extremity. then suddenly as i start to focus a tad on the music again. the flow of the blood in my body it feels as though my whole entire being is moving, like when i was on the boat the past summer. i'm laying on my bed but i feel like a ship at sea, just rocking back and forth. breathing the cool air, listening to some good jams, rocking gently, and the rushing of my blood seems like the ocean waves slightly hitting up against this boat. it's peaceful there. i wonder if that feeling will carry on for a while to come... serenity and finesse side of a ship at sea. oh all the symbolism a ship at sea can create, oh the implications it can stand for.

returning from break

(segment from story i'm writing)

"'when you entered through that door I was aghast. this moment is like dawn, with it's allure of the red-orange canvass sky. I can see a sunrise over and over, each time left flabbergasted by its beauty and glamor.' what do you think of that?", he asked.

her looking into a cup of tea responds, "well, it just seems... not realistic. not that.."

he chimes in, "no, no, no." letting out a small laugh, "I want honesty, how was it not realistic?"

"Well i've never heard of such affection. my parents were divorced, i never heard, 'i love you' spoken verbally before, except through films, books or lies. With everything else i haven't been that passionate about anything."

"So does that mean it doesn't exist? because i haven't felt, tasted, smelled, heard, seen it? i haven't felt pluto or seen it out of photos or drawings in text books. I can be proof only while i have it or after it left. so it can exist......."

more to come eventually.

__________________________________

'God wanted to take the yoke of the egyptians (empire) out of His people.'

He seems to have been trying to take the yoke of the empire out of me, while replacing it with His divine yoke for a long time.

that moment

today i decided to go to the theatre, the reason being i saw the new 'dragonball: evolutions' movie was out. this is one of those cartoons that i realized, 'man, i'm 21 years old.' yes, a few cartoons from my childhood have been turned into movies, but it isn't like this movie. my friends and i were enwrapped in this cartoon, i own almost the whole entire show on vhs alone. being honest, i wouldn't have enjoyed this film very much if it wasn't for the memories that are tied to it. nostalgia if you will, set in. remembering watching the 'freeza saga' uncut and waiting for the new movies to come out. talking about what could happen next with my friends, then sitting watching the spanish channel to see the up and coming cell saga! ahaha we were nuts about this show... the transformers was a big film, resident evil was one of those games that was like this (nostalgic) cartoon to be turned into a movie, the looking back thing. except I was 16/17 years old then. now it feels surreal like a lot of situations seem these days.

now i go to the theatre purchase my ticket and go to barnes and nobel to waste some time. i'm not there long, time passes really fast as i read some more of Exodus and Matthew. I grab my bag and enthusiastically walk over to go see the movie, a part of me is embarrassed that i'm going to see 'dragonball: evolutions' in the beginning... let alone, being alone to see it. i decide i need me a drink while i watch this film, so i go and buy this outrageously expensive 4 dollar medium (that feels more like a large to me) sprite. the girl that got me the drink was flirty, i figured since i was going to see 'dragonball:' the movie that was taken from an anime... confidence goes down a bit. i flirt back anyways, i'm a chump and it comes out a bit naturally. she was really really nice though and i like to see people smile, so i might just be over thinking. no matter what i'm glad to put a smile on someone's face. anyways, i go into the theatre and see 2 kids in front of me, they look about 14 years old. other people start to come in, a guy that is about my age sits behind me and sighs, 'i can't believe i'm here right now.' i just look back and say, 'i know, right? but it's the principle of the thing right?' he laughs and agrees with a subtle nod and a laugh. after this guy comes in a couple (a date movie i suppose? ahaha) then lastly is this older guy with his 5 year old kid. in which i knew he had to of brought his kid so he had a reason to come and see this film, dragonball was on toonami and cartoon network for a long time.

needless to say, it was worth the 7 bucks to have a look back. i'll most likely buy this movie, just because... a small reminder of a past and the aspects in the future. 'who i was and who i am.' all because of a tee.vee show that was on toonami, when moltar used to host. they left it open, so perhaps there will be more to come of our hero goku, bulma, chi-chi and master roshi. ahaha one could only hope, well my friends should. i'm gonna make then watch this and any others that come out. cause i'm awesome. ahaha

thank God for changes, thank God for friends, thank God for the word 'hope', and even more thank God for everyone out there. thank the Lord for you and me to exist.