Weltschmerz. Pt. I

A forward:
Putting on my glasses to read amongst the people my inner thoughts placed in prose of sorts. Things come into focus with Chuck sitting to my left side. I open the pretentious red book almost a plague at my side constantly. It's propelling thoughts shooting and telling me to write of what happens before my eyes. It's all important and must be spoken of, absolutely. I look over at Ben and with a simple nod begin to read, the nodding and staring continues. .. nodding, nodding, nodding... reading, reading, reading... staring, staring, staring... the groove hits me like a warm shot, no fear and no distractions, just me looking for agreeance of some finer point of emotion expelling from my tiny little red book. the smell of hookah and wine lingers as I finish, removing my glasses, thinking of how Kerouac and Ginsberg may have felt after reading or hearing each other read and reach a peace in the beat of their poems. Perhaps the proper stepping of the placements on the dance mat, our dance mats and nobody else's. The more it's pondered the more silence and passion settles to just enjoy the moment. So silence takes control of me as Charlie prepares himself to dance........

this is what I read:

To all,
rambling, stammering... drunkenly bouncing from wall to wall of the hall. taking our seat at life's grand display, just upon the river bank. Steal under our asses and smoke in our lungs. Disbarred from the whole. Some 200 miles apart, mumbling discredit, sighing, whispering self-deprecations.

Naked once were we, just here. Now with only leaves, no longer free. Dipping in the streams, naked lovely beautiful freedom! Translucent nostalgia, just beyond the shoreline. Where now just bare feet dangle. Twisting and moving, articulate in flight, dancing from here to there. Some newly discovered self-infatuation, my companion and I.

From the fruit of humanities lost souls to the apple of baffled minds in the barnyard we see it's all crazy.
bite: be saved!
bite: be gone!
bite: ubuntu!
bite: come clean!
bite: it's good!
toss: we leave it all behind amongst the whores and filth the wolves in shepherds clothes...

I'm sorry.

Prologue:
On all those progressive steps forward, I was close to follow.
I was there with you in despair,
I was there with you in mind,
I was there with you in spirit.
The aesthetics of my soul drew blood of ink spewed upon the agony of typewriters and old mac-books but never was it here in physicalities, I was merely distracted by all the fluctuations, scared by the lustful touches of emotion.

Watch me write in prose and be in awe, while I show this coffee shoppe what true writing is. From the scholastics in universities, the quotes of shit-headed allegories memorized to prove a setting in history. A liturgy of sorts that flows through fingers. To never pray in secret, to always allow the right hand to see what the left is printing. Screaming and moaning to the curves and moves of another well placed thorn is pricked to the modernist agenda. So once again the underground man can be in victory, the deification reached.

Ordering the one hundred and sixty degree soy latte', claiming small business from a Starbucks line. Remembering the impressive vegan diet for bragging rights and peta meetings. Angel headed hipsters turned iconic peace tea and Che t-shirted capitalists avoiding coca-cola cocaine in remembrance of the Colombians of trips past and later sneaking shimmering red cans from browned sugared cocaine from the fridge, when boyfriend and onlookers thought not lookn'.

Meat and potatoes:
It's like a sauna in here, a heaping desert savanna land. Dry as a debaucherous soul towering cynical eyes cyclical skyscrapers peering into our spirits. Beyond the orthodox ropes, through the saintly cloaks, beyond the bastard beads, into the deeply hidden visions of our dreams. Those things not mentioned in polite company, detached form memory in any spiritually lead exhibition of duality.

Minds in broken fragments, detached fucking retinas and casted aside all tendencies of senses for the bleak and dark causality darker than the soul, more holy than any angel and any devil. Smokey and hazy as any good smokers lounge.
Moaning and widdeling stanza to stanza,
morning to evening,
sunrise to sunset,
sanity to insanity.
For all the day brings clarity and all the night brings confusion. Dysfunctional unreadable junk that seemed ever so genius by the sunlight in the park. Unrealistic by the shinning alcoholic diamond shimmering paths of lower town of dirty D. Where everything is "classy" all the people golden and holy, the smell of eroding factories and brilliance of working for a dollar in way of the capital A:american dream we argue and fight.
The place of our madness, the place of our peace and solitude, hand in hand with our insanity. Place away form set virtues.

Ending:
And oh those god damned virtues!, the subtle supple handed obscurities away from the obscenities. Fuck the virtuous yellow brick road to whatever may be golden beauties by streetlights! Passing by red light windows, suspicious as hell. In unison fashions stating stoned facts missing every turn for the end destination

Footnote:
To Arlo,
I am sorry I wasn't there for you in spirit, I wasn't there...
I wasn't there in despair,
I wasn't amongst the gatherers in the barn and in the streets rambling in tounges, preaching and healing as you went.
I wasn't at the door of the cathedral in the heavens when you were tired and hungry, weeping for your friends.

Your friends who deserted you as they felt they had lost you. I apologize for the state of things and how all that, I was never there during the travels and traversing, that I was on a train angry as you walked in the winter cold. Juxtaposed to the train travels you took without ever looking back.

Despising what I became and you became and we became...

Turning people to our will in some glorious happenstance. We returned, with beaten hearts and destroyed minds... unwillful to meet but just as easily met with black coffee and broken spirits, we lept. I was never there and now I am here. You are here. We are here. I'm with you in our confusion and our misunderstanding. I'm with you in the cathedrals, I'm with you in the journey and here when I'm not... I'm never too far from the state of things whatever they may be. I'm sorry for those times and for the times that reason kills me. Sincerely and always yours.