hefty boots: sometimes they lighten up, but they fill in due time.

I sit here, to just let go. To lay at ease my mind, and catch up to the body that is already at peace... the body willing, the mind racing. Until epiphany (a moment of clarity, a drug that that takes its toll on the ole' heart) strikes, at the top of madness I rest. True insanity sets in, my vision peaks. Reality indeed in question for whom I see before me is dead.

The most brilliant of minds but alas intimidating all the same. I shan't, can't make contact... he bows and greets, looks piercing my soul. I do not dare meet eyes. I greet the legend, holding arrogance. I shall not make contact with eyes. I'll never kiss those boots!

Then in a voice of truth, like the gospel of Paul,
"Why must I intimidate you so?"
I deny, deny, deny!
"then look me in the eyes, boy."
I wish to go but no, I look up.
"Now, tell me, what was so hard?"
You're the great Dostoevsky, Hemingway spent his days in such a shadow you cast. So who the fuck am I?
"You, boy. Correction, I casted a shadow. Now I linger from grave to novel. Mere' thoughts, you cast the shadows, I am a figure. Write my lad and be joyous in the shadows you cast. In such times, you quote my writings... those beautiful and lofty things... so it goes. Embrace the fear with fervor and despair, even the joy."
My boots felt lighter... my soul lifted and we sat in silence, a level playing ground from then on. The rest is for me and me alone.

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When I was a kid, I used to go play at the park with my friends. We'd play dragonball Z or Gundam wing... hot lava tag, make films like in the show 'home movies'. I had this pair of shoes, actually we all had a pair of shoes like this. It was like an endless pit of sand in these shoes. No matter how much we tried to get it out, there was another, what seemed to be, another pound of sand in there. I feel if I still had those shoes, they would feel far heavier. They would be heavy boots from all that sand, the abyss of sand within. No matter how much I released the sand from it's pit in my shoes, the abyss in my shoes, it would never lighten... but subtly grow heavier each time. Playing in sand or just through the daily life away from those games. Sometimes they lighten up (optimistically), but they fill up in due time.

_________________________________________

I've lived like the Dreamer
and left that all behind
like the passn' birds before me
searchn' for warmth

Oh, these cold dark nights
are hard on my soul
oh, these cold dark nights
they sure pay a toll
oh, this cold dark abyss
quite the treacherous toll