crashing down to earth

there are those moments (which seems to be a lot for me lately) that, you just want to dance with joy of the greatness that is God. but there are also the times of complete sadness. as humans, we can truly bring a hell to earth. in many ways we can do this, concentration camps, rejecting someone, it can be very simple the ways we can bring a hell to earth. in anyway making someone human, become less than that. we build a inhuman character to a person and what we miss most of all is what, that does to, us. it seems to be the easier way to bring hell to earth, because it's put on the blinders and move forward. i know, i do this far too often.

now what has caught my attention more than anything lately has been, "God will use the weak to over come the strong.(biblical and mewithoutYou. i've been listening to mewithoutYou a lot)" and people that "give us a glimpse into another realm. into a better way. the way of God.(Sex God by Rob Bell)". just by loving the least of these or doing something as simple as letting someone over in their car while i'm on the highway (which is frequent in texas, everything is highway).

through out the time (this time in texas and in illinois) the fact of loving people has been so obvious to me (now, ahaha i "knew" but didn't "know"). how important these things are to be a seeker (constantly going after God), to sow into this world (to do things for the body, just helping our brothers and sister), and to be a servant of this world. i'm thinking this is why we dont' remember the general as much as the moral leaders. people like martin luther king jr., mother theresa, desmond tutu, nelson mandela and deitrich bonhoffer. oh yes, and Jesus the moral leader to us all, came to flesh and was the Word. so may i keep seeking after God to sow into this world His will and to be a servant to all, no boundries of race, religion or personality. to love all as God so loves us. it's gonna be tough, cause oh how impatient i am. but Give me wisdom and patience God. so i can open my house boldly and without hindrance, to preach Gospel to all.

come now and join the feast, from the greatest and to the very least!
i said come now and join the feast, right here in the belly of the beast!

"Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righeousness."

i pray for wisdom God, Your wisdom that is pure from Heaven to guide me. thank you for such grace.

inching forward

texas is a new and different place, but nothing i can't figure out. i'm here for a reason and i guess that is to add something palpable to my life. even if that is learning social interaction again, you know... learning to have the confidence to talk to people. so today i decided to get my lye-berry card and look at some books, perhaps see if there are any get togethers to discuss literature. sadly, the calender for next month hasn't been updated. so i decided i'll return in a week and check out 'charlie chaplin an autobiography by charlie chaplin' not sure if that is the exact title, but it was odd. i really enjoy chaplin so i'm stoked to check that book out.

since i did that this morning i felt motivated to do something else, so i decided to find a church to go to tomorrow morning. which my mom helped out with, there's one that does outreach to homeless and has an international thing going on too. i don't know all the details but i'm sure to learn some soon. it's called 'eagle moutnain international ministries' the guy i called king (sweet name, don't you think?) seemed really into it and excited for me to come. i'm excited to find a church family and after this one i'm gonna check out the salvation army church. i have always been intersted in that. so, progress. see what doors open up from here. i just pray God that i can have the eyes and ears to know what You wish for me to do.

other notes, it was nice to talk to brock today. he called and we made jokes. like always talked about serious matters, i miss that kid. i am blessed to know him. only other thing is my parents and i talked about, what i want to do after college. they were kind of excited. still needs talking over. they participated in earth hour with me, it was that don't' use electricity thing from 8:30-9:30 pm. not sure why i was so excited to do it but i was.

so, God has been amazing. like He usually is, but i'm too stupid or ignorant to listen. He's pretty persistent though.

there is so much more to come and i can't even imagine what that is. i have great hope in You Lord and i once again ask you for Wisdom for what is to come. that i will be a servant to others and show love to everyone i meet. so i can reflect You into the world. may i learn and continue on God always seeking after You.

my pride, slowly peeling away.

my pride keeps me back, but i have hope in you God. so here i am asking, 'what is it you want me to do God? i'm listening... in silence, listening to You. let Your Spirit guide me, let Your will be done. i'm stupid sometimes and don't notice things, but i ask for wisdom. the ears and eyes to see whatever Your will, will be.'

You give me Hope God. You fill me up Lord.

i can help the area i'm in Lord, even if i'm a cynical person and choose to throw in the towel too early. there is always something to be done, i'm just not opening myself to it.

oh how easy i am to say i hate people, but really... what does that say? my lips say i love You but i hate my brothers and sisters, what a contradiction and a liar i am. how can i say i loathe them and love You? i love them as You love them. i get frustrated, but i do not hate them. so i need to open myself up to meet people, love people, enjoy these magnificent creations from You!

i do not exist, only You exist.

thank You for, such a great best-friend in my life. i don't know where i'd be if Brock was never placed with me. You really knew what you were doing there, not that You don't know what You were doing... You know what i mean Man.

seekin to be tossed a bone

there is the saying, 'just throw me a bone' just give me a little help here. it sucks when the one person you want to hear a 'good job' from or 'you're doing good but there is still room for improvement', instead of either of those you just get more criticism. then when a circumstance hits to where it seems ok to ask, 'what's God been doing?', it was easy to span over that and go straight at my downfalls. i know i have so much more to realize and wrestle with, God has so much in store for me. living here in texas is a constant struggle for me, especially living in such an upper class area. it's hard for me to just open up to people, but i've realized in the community of Christ i need to open up and be more translucent.

i ask God for wisdom, dear God give me the ability to open up to people and most of all give me the ability to share everything with You Lord. may Your Spirit guide me and keep me up when i'm slacking. let me have the will to where something spoken from a brother doesn't tear me down to great cinicism, but give me hope in transfiguration of my own soul. even a soul like mine can be transfigured, a symbol of death like the cross was can even be transfigured to a stand for life. It gives hope to so many. grass changes from brown to a full lucious green. there isn't much You can't do, but i must bear my cross and walk with You. i'm in great joy to do so with my fellow brothers and sisters, because there is no way to you without the Church. without the community that i so need." for it isn't 'i think there for i am', i'm a person and love someone as a person. thefore i and them are people(desmond tutu excerpt, just rephrased)."

Artist: Sufjan Stevens
Song: Chicago

I fell in love again
all things go, all things go
drove to Chicago
all things know, all things know
we sold our clothes to the state
I don't mind, I don't mind
I made a lot of mistakes
in my mind, in my mind

you came to take us
all things go, all things go
to recreate us
all things grow, all things grow
we had our mindset
all things know, all things know
you had to find it
all things go, all things go

I drove to New York
in a van, with my friend
we slept in parking lots
I don't mind, I don't mind
I was in love with the place
in my mind, in my mind
I made a lot of mistakes
in my mind, in my mind

you came to take us
all things go, all things go
to recreate us
all things grow, all things grow
we had our mindset
all things know, all things know
you had to find it
all things go, all things go

if I was crying
in the van, with my friend
it was for freedom
from myself and from the land
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes

you came to take us
all things go, all things go
to recreate us
all things grow, all things grow
we had our mindset
all things know, all things know
you had to find it
all things go, all things go

you came to take us
all things go, all things go
to recreate us
all things grow, all things grow
we had our mindset
(I made a lot of mistakes)
all things know, all things know
(I made a lot of mistakes)
you had to find it
(I made a lot of mistakes)
all things go, all things go
(I made a lot of mistakes)

turmoil of the soul

the inner turmoil of my dark soul, what a journey both physically and spiritually. the eyes of my heart have gone from squinting to now opening at a decent pace. while my physical eyes have their glazed cataracts taken out. what my eyes see my heart and soul weeps for the loss or jumps for joy in His glory; and in my lack of seeing before i ask for forgiveness. but, you have built me up God. at each step knocking down this pride, holding me with such grace helping me move forward. if it be crawling, walking or running, it’s always forward, towards You. i’m starting to see the Glory of others and how i should take joy in my and their strong points instead of paying more attention to any shortcomings. we all have these, but most of all we have our strong points given by you God to keep community alive, to show Your glory. there is time for critique but far more time for praise in Your name.

the eyes open more, forgive my ignorance.

the burning log of my soul is being transfigured. pain turned to joy and joy building so greatly each day. i no longer wish to oppress someone with my ‘opinions’ of their character, for the same can be said on me. may we work together and learn on our downfalls together, discuss them with another and build our character together. for talking of ones character flaws can create an inhuman image on both sides, i do not wish to take part in such things. while in oppressing someone i am merely oppressing myself. in the scheme of things, the oppressor is the one who truly loses themselves, it becomes easier and typical to do the oppressing and gossiping. losing the humanity to just love one another.

give me wisdom God, give me patience God, let me be a patient revolutionary who has his eyes open to the world taking in and seeing You revealed in all i do!

may I feel your fiery lips.

-kris denoyer

(been on my mind a while. a catchy tune you can't get out of your head.)
song: dumpster divers
artist: psalters

Come now and join the feast,
from the greatest to the very least,
come now & join the feast,
(right) right here in the belly of the beast.

Cops & soldiers you can come too -
just lay down y'r guns & c'mon thru.
Rich people get rid of y'r stuff.
Poor people there will be enough.

Might ones c'm down from y'r thrones.
Little ones you will not be alone.

Come now and join the feast,
from the greatest to the very least,
come now & join the feast,
(right) right here in the belly of the beast.

lazy man come to the table
and make some food for those who ain't able
pretty winner swallow your pride
drink the ugly loser who for all died
make sure everyone has some
and the we'll see the kingdom

"A dream from the soul, a living snow globe."

Trapped in a New York snow globe
drinking water from the same source
and oh how sweet
to see it falling, falling down.

Our cars are sleds
traveling down the river
a river that divides the town
forever in this snow globe town

Traveling these roads
torn between who I am
this snow globe my tomb
looking for what I left behind

Drinking from the same source
and you're nowhere to be found
this dream I live
this nightmare, I'll forever know.

A ray of darkness
a nightmarish creation
riding in this sled
with Whitman at the helm.

"Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged,
Missing me one place search another,
I stop somewhere waiting for you.", Whitman, "song of myself"

My thoughts turn with poetic favor
insides burn with a beast
a beast of unforgiven failure
contemplation, to see it falling, falling down around.

a creators creation

Are you Emergent?
You might be an emergent Christian: if you listen to U2, Moby, and Johnny Cash's Hurt (sometimes in church), use sermon illustrations from The Sopranos, drink lattes in the afternoon and Guinness in the evenings, and always use a Mac; ... if your idea of quintessential Christian discipleship is Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King Jr, Nelson Mandela, or Desmond Tutu; if you don't like George W. Bush or institutions or big business or capitalism, or Left Behind Christianity; if your political concerns are poverty, AIDS, imperialism, war-mongering, CEO salaries, consumerism, global warming, racism, and not so much abortion and gay marriage; if you are into bohemian, goth, rave, or indie; if you talk about the myth of redemptive violence and the myth of certainty; if you lie awake at night having nightmares about all the ways modernism has ruined your life; if you love the Bible as a beautiful, inspiring collection of works that lead us into the mystery of God but is not inerrant; if you search for truth but aren't sure it can be found; if you've ever been to a church with prayer labyrinths, candles, Play-Doh, chalk-drawings, couches, or beanbags (your youth group doesn't count); if you loathe words like linear, propositional, rational, machine, and hierarchy and use words like ancient-future, jazz, mosaic, matrix, missional, vintage, and dance; if you grew up in a very conservative Christian home that in retrospect seems legalistic, naive, and rigid; if you support women in all levels of ministry, prioritize urban over suburban, and like your theology narrative instead of systematic; if you disbelieve in any sacred-secular divide; if you want to be the church and not just go to church; if you long for a community that is relational, tribal, and primal like a river or a garden; if you believe doctrine gets in the way of an interactive relationship with Jesus; if you believe who goes to hell is no one's business and no one may be there anyway; if you believe salvation has a little to do with atoning for guilt and a lot to do with bringing the whole creation back into shalom with its Maker; if you believe following Jesus is not believing the right things but living the right way; if it really bugs you when people talk about going to heaven instead of heaven coming to us; if you disdain monological, didactic preaching; if you use the word 'story' in all your propositions about postmodernism - if all or most of this tortously long sentence describes you, then you might be an emergent Christian..."

Some random quotes I really enjoy...
“I don't preach a social gospel; I preach the Gospel, period. The gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ is concerned for the whole person. When people were hungry, Jesus didn't say, "Now is that political or social?" He said, "I feed you." Because the good news to a hungry person is bread.”
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
"The church is a whore, but she's my mother."
"We cannot fully recover until we help the society that made us sick recover."
"There is enough for everyone's need but not enough for everyone's greed."
"We can tell the world of life after death but what the world seems to be wondering about is life before death."
"The oppressed are freed from being oppressed and the oppressors are freed from beign oppressors."

But the segment from this book was read to me while going to get coffee and I was talking about the Irish pub intown later on. U2 was on the radio so I kept it on as I drove home after soccer due to the irony and also Sunday Bloody Sunday is a good song. Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King Jr., and Desmond Tutu are pretty awesome and so on and so forth. A few things don't fit with my background, but what knowledge comes in and wisdom (I hope wisdome) that comes out after reading such things fits me. So perhaps I am described as in this Emergent church movement. There are unknowns to our Faith and definite Truths about our Faith (in which some of those truths are pretty complicated to understand... like the trinity or have you read any of the old testemant? Some of that is tough to swallow.) Lables are fun and all but, I think I remember somethign saying, be weary of lables or don't lable yourself? It's good to make divisions and makes it easier for critiquing the body.

Last thought, can't we call the emerging/emergant church the reformed or constatnly in reformation church? Is that not what we are supposed to do? One foot in today and one foot in the Word? ahaha Paul was pretty sweet.

As for me, I have more research to do to understand both sides of this 'conversation' of emerging, emergent, reformed, and post-emergent/emerging... wow so much different termonology for the same word. Peace easy. (That sucks...)