Sometimes one just has to humor the thoughts that pop into their heads... so allow me to divulge into such a topic.
Recently I realized while being the teacher at youth group, it really doesn't matter. I'm considered as just a child and at most someone to pawn things off of. Your child lied? I'm sorry, I told him not to. I'm at fault, because... I told him too? I remember very differently... ok, guess it doesn't matter. I'm the fall man and since you consider me a child, why do I put time and effort into lessons? You don't seem to care about me, I'm a baby sitter... a child watching after children. I guess I should feed them milk as well. Get the pun there? ahaha I laughed, I need the humor.
So to my point... it seems every time I work and strive to help, well I think I'm doing good work and God is working through me. The opposite happens. I get run out of town, not literally. ahaha feels like it. Maybe it is as Wesley says, if I haven't been run out of town I haven't preached the gospel correctly. This could be by actually living and preaching the gospel or great circumstances.
I knew this kid, I wasn't a close friend of his... but I really can't be now. I heard the story of how he passed and it's sort of stuck with me for some reason or another. This will be depressing, I must warn you. one night, the wrong night.. he got drunk. In the wrong part of town and decided to use a phone. Wrong neighborhood, wrong time, wrong house to knock on the door. This guy apparently had a bad night and was waiting for someone else. This drunk young gentlemen was treated to being shot at the wrong house. All created by bad circumstances.
Now I know, the fall of man and the entrance of sin. Bad things happen...but it does lead one to wonder, what is the point? When a barrel is waiting at the next random house on a bad evening... just waiting there for you to make one uneducated mistake. He shouldn't of been drunk, nor went to a random house. In a way we are all stumbling through life and can make such a mistake ourselves.
So it could be a grander plan or it could be nothing... ahaha not really sure, I'll let you know when my day comes and I sit in front of my maker. Well if I do make it there.
anywho, here is a short story I wrote.
_______________________________________________________________
In the purpose of story, I am not a man to care about what most would see as significant knowledge. It really is not of great purpose in what I do. I mean, it is as simple saying I ask not how this existence has come about? I ask, why and to what extent is it here? 'How?' has too many theories and you could say that even 'why?' has just as many or more. It is really an issue of empirical knowledge vs rhetorical. The how it happened can have palpable truths, but the why is far more paradoxical. The moral paradox seems much more enthralling than a theory of two universes converging in a wormhole.
Saying all that, I must wonder who in their right minds would relate to a character such as myself. I mean, relating and having empathy for a character is what draws one in, yes? I would not feel any pains or lasting sadness if you were to put this short story down right now.
If it is not something you dig, then continue on your search. Perhaps you will find relevancy and shalom (peace) elsewhere friend. I mean, what common person wants to be Holden Caufield, Tony Stark and for some of us Ayn Rand? Even Kierkegaard forced himself into despair, what a fine idea he had.
My apologies, I have not properly introduced myself. I am Thomas Whitman. Not Tom, not Whit or Wit. Please no witty or lame nicknames. It's either Thomas, Whitman or Thomas Whitman. I have no middle name. No, I never wrote down no middle name on documents. I have no jokes of any sort pertaining to it. For any matter, since I don't have a middle name... I do not write down a middle name. It's just a useless spot on forms in my opinion.
I digress, I am a man of many ages. I find the older I become the younger I am. Dylan said once, "Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now." You'll find that I am a man of quotes, Solomon the wise said, there is nothing new under the sun. Which is the smartest thing he ever said. You have to be pretty intelligent to figure out something so obvious. Being an analytical man myself, I miss the bigger picture. But do no fret, the portrait is mostly hidden anyhow. You see no cat and no cradle... but so it goes. (Vonnegut)
Alas, I have so much to say... but I have so little time my dear friend. For I fear my time is near. Wait, I do not know why I wrote that last sentence. I do not fear the end of my time. "Be content with what you are, and wish not change; nor dread you last day. Nor long for it." Marcus Aurelius. He may have been a horrid man in the eyes of some of my brothers and sisters, but his philosophies were fabulous. Even poetics and Christian morals can come from a man who persecuted them. You can find great hope from a single crack in the darkest of moments.
Perhaps not telling you simply about myself will be the better choice. It appears one could pull out some understanding even from such a diatribe so poorly written. Do not worry, there is a story at play here. Patience just does not appear, it is gained with great trial. Some call via salutus (way to salvation), holiness or deification.
I ponder as to how I am at this place you see me now. As you hopefully have noticed there are three sets of prints. Two of them going up... as you can tell mine end where you have found me. One heading back down, I would assume and another that continues after I had fallen. I do not fear my end, but the taste of the fruits that grow up top that I will not receive. For that taste and sight over that mountain top seems so appealing to every sense of my mortal and eternal being.
On the other hand the mountain top could be tainted fruits or in some perpetual nonexistence. Which baffles me if so, the dirt below my feet makes the journey so real. What sick and hideous joke it would be if it was so different than my presuppositions have always lead me to believe. Wait! Not presuppositions, for my conscious has been as a compass and the pointer has lead the way.
If finding nonexistence was the pointing light of the soul; Then why would there be moral obligations naturally set into our subconscious? If the moral self was in constant leading into no existence while embracing a false self; Why would uneducated anarchy not reign supreme?
Knowing that you have read this far and not put down my letter. I feel we would have been friends and such a splendid dialogue would ensue. In another life I suppose.
I do not wish to take much of your time, for you have further to go I would guess. Also, I wish to assist you. For what is a life worth living if they do not help in making the world a better place? Do not look to live just as I did, for not even the saints would wish that. I would think they would want you to learn from them and be your own. Take from their mistakes and triumphs. They were sand, just as you or I.
As you think of me, I don't need to be remembered specifically. For behind this mask of a Thomas Whitman there is a plethora of layers in which make my soul. Without even being there, I know you are just the same. Consisting of a million different faces, places, perspectives, sufferings, passions and loves. Both self-loathing and narcissistic, you find yourself the same place as I. For better or worse, you shall find out.
I have never sought after much. I don't think people seek narcissism or how to love themselves. For that, I don't think many people seek fame. It just happens or I could be placing my ideas on others. For I didn't seek to be where I ever was. It happened and whatever I was or am came from such happenings. Like this mountain top, it was in the list of happenings. It was the next most probable and logical occurrence of course.
I hope not to cause a disconnect here. For we do not all live in happenings or a similar logic. I must ask though that for this moment, you accept that. To at least place yourself in my shoes. I must once again go back to the beginning, I will not hold anything against you for getting up and to decide to never finish reading. I never will read any novel by Faulkner. Forever I will pick it up and set it back down, to never be finished. I will not hold a double standard in such a matter.
I am sorry if it seems I am lecturing. In my days I was a professor and a preacher, it's what comes naturally to me. The combination makes for a man who does not shut up when asked of his opinion. You may laugh, that was my crack at humor
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
emergence
Amongst us now is the Emergent church movement. Like most eras in time, what defines it is complicated and smothered in the grey. In a great comparison to the Reformation era we see many questions being raised. Conversations arise and scholars are made, but young in the spectrum of 2,000 years yet alone all existence in time.
With a new year does not mean a conversation is new. With the birth of Luther or Wesley did not mean the Church or "real" Church began, not at all! It was with Christ, we are commentaries and our conversations have been going on for ages. WE should not be so arrogant to believe just because I enter this dialog it has now started. It is literally older than dirt. It started with God, beginning and end.
So we pose a ''I think there for I am'' standard of time? What about the Church fathers and saints... Errasmus or St. Francis. By saying this is new do we disregard there trials and sufferings of the Gospel?
What seems to be occurring could be a small thing in the spectrum of time and a fabric of it could hold true of what seems to be the core of a paradigm switch. The emergent Church seems to want to ask questions and uphold truths. The problem is the far end of the spectrum that is feared. That there is no truth and we cast all orthodoxy aside, in my simple mind could be a path towards post-Christendom that is also perhaps feared. But that is just the extremist view. What the core of it appears to be is orthodokandia the heart and passion of our orthopraxy. To say we have our orthodoxy perfect and praxy fail is a spiritual down fall. James "Faith without works is nothing."
Because this movement has been so prevalent means there is some credibility, correct? Perhaps its' not this that disturbs others... but the post-modern pull, Which is a totally other bag of fun...
With a new year does not mean a conversation is new. With the birth of Luther or Wesley did not mean the Church or "real" Church began, not at all! It was with Christ, we are commentaries and our conversations have been going on for ages. WE should not be so arrogant to believe just because I enter this dialog it has now started. It is literally older than dirt. It started with God, beginning and end.
So we pose a ''I think there for I am'' standard of time? What about the Church fathers and saints... Errasmus or St. Francis. By saying this is new do we disregard there trials and sufferings of the Gospel?
What seems to be occurring could be a small thing in the spectrum of time and a fabric of it could hold true of what seems to be the core of a paradigm switch. The emergent Church seems to want to ask questions and uphold truths. The problem is the far end of the spectrum that is feared. That there is no truth and we cast all orthodoxy aside, in my simple mind could be a path towards post-Christendom that is also perhaps feared. But that is just the extremist view. What the core of it appears to be is orthodokandia the heart and passion of our orthopraxy. To say we have our orthodoxy perfect and praxy fail is a spiritual down fall. James "Faith without works is nothing."
Because this movement has been so prevalent means there is some credibility, correct? Perhaps its' not this that disturbs others... but the post-modern pull, Which is a totally other bag of fun...
The kingdom of God can be at hand. To be Free.
Acts 28:30-31
Paul thought he was to preach before Caesar. But nah, he was chained to a table instead. Boldly and without hindrance spoke to those who were near. He was to love those close instead of these earth shattering I TAUGHT BEFORE CAESAR thing. How can we make changes if we can't do that simple thing of love this town, neighborhood, block or even those in our church.
Acts 28:26-27
The message is for all. Everyone, this good news and love. If God is Love and this Gospel is for all then love is for all.
Paul at this end was under house arrest loving "without hindrance" to preach the Gospel under great persecution even. We can see similarities of this in Bonehoffer.
'Jesus, I don't think during His walk on earth asked do you think this is a social or political problem? to a hungry person, he fed them because to a hungry person bread is the Gospel.' Tutu
Preach the Gospel, when necessary speak. (can't remember who said that)
So it's a love around us thing. I mean I think of worldly issues and problems. Famine, destruction, Child soldiers... it can drive one insane.
Jesus did a lot of fixing the cosmos bringing a chaos into order again. But when we see Him in His actions its very personable, how can we change a world when our brothers and sisters are not loved by us?
We say God's love is beyond us, undeserving but we receive that love, unconditionally. Christ died to show that love, so all was unified. Paul is a demonstration of such in his imprisonment, but the opposite is the freedom he was bestowed from Christ. He is imprisoned but his soul is free.
"Freedom will break out. People are made for it just as plants tend towards the light and water." Tutu
Paul thought he was to preach before Caesar. But nah, he was chained to a table instead. Boldly and without hindrance spoke to those who were near. He was to love those close instead of these earth shattering I TAUGHT BEFORE CAESAR thing. How can we make changes if we can't do that simple thing of love this town, neighborhood, block or even those in our church.
Acts 28:26-27
The message is for all. Everyone, this good news and love. If God is Love and this Gospel is for all then love is for all.
Paul at this end was under house arrest loving "without hindrance" to preach the Gospel under great persecution even. We can see similarities of this in Bonehoffer.
'Jesus, I don't think during His walk on earth asked do you think this is a social or political problem? to a hungry person, he fed them because to a hungry person bread is the Gospel.' Tutu
Preach the Gospel, when necessary speak. (can't remember who said that)
So it's a love around us thing. I mean I think of worldly issues and problems. Famine, destruction, Child soldiers... it can drive one insane.
Jesus did a lot of fixing the cosmos bringing a chaos into order again. But when we see Him in His actions its very personable, how can we change a world when our brothers and sisters are not loved by us?
We say God's love is beyond us, undeserving but we receive that love, unconditionally. Christ died to show that love, so all was unified. Paul is a demonstration of such in his imprisonment, but the opposite is the freedom he was bestowed from Christ. He is imprisoned but his soul is free.
"Freedom will break out. People are made for it just as plants tend towards the light and water." Tutu
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
first gen. iPods...
Blogging...
seems to have died with the first generation iPods, you know the ones, with no videos and were like 5 pounds. It had the scrolly wheel, that's what made it cool... they are still cool but now you can touch the screens instead.
I digress, in the age of twitter, youtube, and being able to update everyone on your status regularly; the idea of writing in a public journal seems obsolete... even though I trudge forward, not for the want of a reader (even though some day I'd like to actually write in a more, novel like format and have people read it) but for the constantly forever bettering of a writing style.
If history tells me right, language and writings have been the best tool for understanding civilization.
seems to have died with the first generation iPods, you know the ones, with no videos and were like 5 pounds. It had the scrolly wheel, that's what made it cool... they are still cool but now you can touch the screens instead.
I digress, in the age of twitter, youtube, and being able to update everyone on your status regularly; the idea of writing in a public journal seems obsolete... even though I trudge forward, not for the want of a reader (even though some day I'd like to actually write in a more, novel like format and have people read it) but for the constantly forever bettering of a writing style.
If history tells me right, language and writings have been the best tool for understanding civilization.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Random thoughts, disagree.. I just couldn't sleep.
The world is not just some playground to roam as you please.
To think of it in such is arrogant and immoral.
To feel as though your perfect world would work can mean a good heart or it's inevitably gonna be a totalitarian society. What shall you do with those that disagree? Does your world collapse or does the disagreer (pretty sure that isn't a word, but it's the person who disagrees with said thought of as a perfect world... sorry.) get destroyed even denied access to what is "your" ideal realm?
Our Christian duty isn't just to love but to show Eternal Grace filled Love.
Organizations don't save a world, it isn't a living breathing thing. It doesn't change with the times. It's merely a wilting flower, perishing.
Do not place hope in man, place hope in God. Trust his spirit to work through people, if you deny humanity, you can deny Gods works even. It's just how you place hope, in a way. Perhaps, a passion in Faith.
Love is paradoxical. People are hypocritical.
God is love.
People lack understanding and obtain their own presuppositions.
Foolish enough to compare Gods love to our own.
Grace is for all and everything. Amen.
Unnecessary confrontations occur when you place your own dispositions and presuppositions upon others.
We are humans living, it's hard to do anything away from that.
1/25/10
____________________________________________________
1/28/10
You can easily criticism me, I am not what I write but I write in hopes I can be such. There is no formula for life and if there was. Mine would be significantly different then yours.
It's easy to come to scriptures in an 'it' instead of Thou. In which it's more of get to know God in all we do. Where as an 'it' can just be some magical being that is at our beck and call instead. What would be Grace if we have a pixie to save the day? Once can say Jesus is like a magical pixie, until the point of choices to follow Him (away from Calvinism, the assumption is more of a Wesleyan background) where the pixie can just fix it.
There are transitions in Faith alone, the love your neighbor commandment is just a doing but can be a doing love (just loving as I'm told to), a need remember to love, it can be a love doing. Even a love loving. I fell in love with the commandment but it was more of a loving and learning who God is. He revealed Himself in the commandment and in my Loving others. Alse he revealed Himself in the ones I love. I can find more of Him in everything around.
"I used to wonder where You are, but now I wonder where You're not!"
I pray I can do this.
To think of it in such is arrogant and immoral.
To feel as though your perfect world would work can mean a good heart or it's inevitably gonna be a totalitarian society. What shall you do with those that disagree? Does your world collapse or does the disagreer (pretty sure that isn't a word, but it's the person who disagrees with said thought of as a perfect world... sorry.) get destroyed even denied access to what is "your" ideal realm?
Our Christian duty isn't just to love but to show Eternal Grace filled Love.
Organizations don't save a world, it isn't a living breathing thing. It doesn't change with the times. It's merely a wilting flower, perishing.
Do not place hope in man, place hope in God. Trust his spirit to work through people, if you deny humanity, you can deny Gods works even. It's just how you place hope, in a way. Perhaps, a passion in Faith.
Love is paradoxical. People are hypocritical.
God is love.
People lack understanding and obtain their own presuppositions.
Foolish enough to compare Gods love to our own.
Grace is for all and everything. Amen.
Unnecessary confrontations occur when you place your own dispositions and presuppositions upon others.
We are humans living, it's hard to do anything away from that.
1/25/10
____________________________________________________
1/28/10
You can easily criticism me, I am not what I write but I write in hopes I can be such. There is no formula for life and if there was. Mine would be significantly different then yours.
It's easy to come to scriptures in an 'it' instead of Thou. In which it's more of get to know God in all we do. Where as an 'it' can just be some magical being that is at our beck and call instead. What would be Grace if we have a pixie to save the day? Once can say Jesus is like a magical pixie, until the point of choices to follow Him (away from Calvinism, the assumption is more of a Wesleyan background) where the pixie can just fix it.
There are transitions in Faith alone, the love your neighbor commandment is just a doing but can be a doing love (just loving as I'm told to), a need remember to love, it can be a love doing. Even a love loving. I fell in love with the commandment but it was more of a loving and learning who God is. He revealed Himself in the commandment and in my Loving others. Alse he revealed Himself in the ones I love. I can find more of Him in everything around.
"I used to wonder where You are, but now I wonder where You're not!"
I pray I can do this.
Friday, January 15, 2010
real event
4:39 p.m. January 14,2010.
Olivet - Common Grounds
I'm sitting in the far back corner (left) of the café de le sol commando grounds. I sit with my back to the exit door that no one uses. For what it has been the past days, it's nice outside but still cold. I can feel the uncomfortable cold on my back but the heat coming from the vents (perspiring occurs) in the front of my body. Goosebumps amongst chills in the back. Yet my body is to confused to decide on which as a constant. Neutral Milk Hotel pumping from the iPods small speakers in the center of the table. Next to my journal, Works of Love and cellular phone laying atop it. Across from that is Brocks' History of Ancient Philosophy book, with headphones astray on the table. Also Brock is here, well not currently. He is away to the water closet Also Known As the restroom... I wonder as to why it's called the restroom... technically no resting is involved. The water closet is confusing as well. Anyways, I digress, we sit here in a café', midwinter, no coffee (no drinks at all actually), reading and discussing.
Ugh... I'm starving.
4:52 pm - 8 minutes ti'll 5:00 pm
- 23 minutes ti'll dinner.
I'm famished.
Olivet - Common Grounds
I'm sitting in the far back corner (left) of the café de le sol commando grounds. I sit with my back to the exit door that no one uses. For what it has been the past days, it's nice outside but still cold. I can feel the uncomfortable cold on my back but the heat coming from the vents (perspiring occurs) in the front of my body. Goosebumps amongst chills in the back. Yet my body is to confused to decide on which as a constant. Neutral Milk Hotel pumping from the iPods small speakers in the center of the table. Next to my journal, Works of Love and cellular phone laying atop it. Across from that is Brocks' History of Ancient Philosophy book, with headphones astray on the table. Also Brock is here, well not currently. He is away to the water closet Also Known As the restroom... I wonder as to why it's called the restroom... technically no resting is involved. The water closet is confusing as well. Anyways, I digress, we sit here in a café', midwinter, no coffee (no drinks at all actually), reading and discussing.
Ugh... I'm starving.
4:52 pm - 8 minutes ti'll 5:00 pm
- 23 minutes ti'll dinner.
I'm famished.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
mediocrity.
Mediocrity is a killer, the stabilizer of the spirit to absolute zero. The force to create an ‘I and It’. A pull back into the false-self of the self. Which is a mask of the same, a safe-self away from silence or pain or suffering (maybe), some mediocre mask with subtle differences, but always the same as the rest.
Purgation can occur, some divine ray of contemplation. Crack in the mask from a relation or conversation with the Thou, calling us in our dark state to make a crack in our mask of complacency. Any shining good only comes from the Lord but a change in our being. A “Great Perhaps” of what our life can be. For that what our heart or soul could be. A consistent battle between what our real and false self could be (in which a choice can be made.)
The false is quite tantalizing it isn’t an easy choice. We have a simple point of self-deception to cheat ourselves out of the best thing, Love, a graceful Love. The full passion of Christ (coming from a Christian pre-supposition.) There is a self-deception of us doing the right thing. But there is a living such a thing that changes active engagement. An “everything makes sense in light of the faith you now have. There’s a boiling point of Faith. Living experience of Faith transforms your rationality.” Until this point, the thought is quite unthinkable, unless you are reborn.
For most (people) such things are not instantaneous. The Ray of darkness in the dark soul takes time. Long days of silence, conversing, prayers, readings, and even frustration with tears. In a personal statement once seeing in (a great perhaps or the self –deceived perhaps), one finds himself in troubled strife’s with himself and all around him. It’s hard to turn back.
Hoping one day to have God face to face with our soul.
Seeing the eternal Love face to face. A love that never blossoms in doom it would one day perish. To perhaps one day comes through such turmoil into a manifestation at contemplation, speaking, and action (perhaps in stages.)
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